Saturday, April 28, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
The 19th was very anti-climatic. I was actually kind of guilty that I wasn't over emotional. I don't know if it's because we've had some family things going on that has taken our minds off of Noah or that we've just been grieving for so long that we didn't see this day as a sad one. Our bank bought us a tree and Chris picked it up that day (we picked a pear tree and then we bought another so that they could cross pollinate) and Chris and Carver planted it.
I had my 4 week post-delivery appointment on the 17th and I'm physically all healed. Dr Finley suggested we wait until I have had 3-4 cycles before we try to get pregnant again but he said that if we get pregnant before then, it's not a big deal. That made me feel a lot better than the 6 months he said while we were in the hospital.
I still have 16lbs to lose to get back to where I was when I got pregnant with Noah. I'm going to say 14lbs because I don't feel that that was a healthy weight for me. I have had a really hard time with the weight issue. I know that if Noah was here, I wouldn't have a problem with the extra weight. And the fact that I am not nursing doesn't help the weight come off either. It's a battle I knew I would have, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Once I get my camera out of the car and find the cables for it, I'll upload Noah's life announcements. They were so much fun to make and I love how they turned out. :)
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
I've had this excerpt on my computer ever since my parents split and I happened to come across it today while working. It took on a whole new meaning since I read it in Noah's perspective.
You are not an accident. Your birth was no mistake or mishap, and your life is no fluke of nature…. Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were conceived in the mind of God. He thought of you first…. He custom-made your body just the way He wanted it. He also determined the natural talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality…. Most amazing, God decided how you would be born. Regardless of the circumstances of your birth or who your parents are, God had a plan in creating you. It doesn’t matter whether your parents were good, bad or indifferent. God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly the right genetic makeup to create the custom “you” he had in mind. They had the DNA God wanted to make you…. God never does anything accidentally, and He never makes mistakes – He has a reason for everything He creates…. God was thinking of you even before He made the world…. This is how much God loves and values you.
Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life Pages 22-24
Monday, April 9, 2012
Easter this year has a whole new meaning. I'm finding peace that because of Jesus' death and resurrection, I will get to see Noah again. I feel like Carver already has a good understanding of Easter because of Noah. Easter has always been special but Noah has made it even more special.
We had a couple egg hunts on Saturday and Carver got to use his tractor to hold all the eggs. Mom and Charlie went a little overboard and we probably had 50+ eggs in the back yard! Then Easter morning, Carver woke up to a bunch of presents from the bunny. I told my mom that I wanted Easter to be over the top this year, because of everything with Noah, and it definitely was. :) Now, he's insisting on having candy nonstop. It's actually been a worse fight than Halloween! Chris and I came out to the living room this morning and Carver was trying to shove as many mini M&Ms into his mouth as he could before we caught him. It's going to be an interesting day!
As far a Noah goes, I think I'm just sad that time is going by too fast. It's been 3 weeks today. I don't think I'll ever get used to the fact that my son is dead. Carver has helped a lot. He was saying Happy Easter yesterday morning and he shouted "Happy Easter Noah!!!" It melted my heart!
Wow! What a random post. My brain is all over the place right now and my coffee hasn't hit my system yet. Hopefully you understood something. haha